Excerpt from Book #2

"Other Ways to Get a Divorce"
By Allison Quattrocchi, Divorce Mediator/Attorney

What processes, other than the traditional legal process, are available to help you negotiate and finalize the settlement of all the issues in your divorce?

I. MEDIATION

Mediation has been growing consistently since the late 1970s when it was first introduced as an alternative to the traditional legal model. Two separate books on divorce mediation appeared about that time, one written by a psychologist and the other by an attorney. These professionals proposed a mediation model as a saner approach to divorce than the traditional legal process. They felt the use of mediation could diminish the harm to families that, they observed, results from the traditional legal model. Today, mediation is being used in many areas of the law, and we frequently hear about the mediation of international disputes. Divorce mediation continues to grow as the divorcing public increasingly opts for a “better way” and more mental-health professionals and attorneys become supportive. Now many court systems offer some form of mediation services, and mediation courses are available in universities and law schools around the country.

What Is Mediation?

The term “mediation” in this booklet refers exclusively to divorce mediation. Mediation provides the divorcing (or postdivorce) couple with a method of mutually and efficiently resolving issues of parenting, property and debt division, spousal support, and child support in a private, safe, and positive environment. With the help of a skilled mediator, couples reach an agreement cooperatively rather than as a result of a competitive struggle. Resolutions emerge from mediation that are created and accepted by both spouses—resolutions that reflect each couple's values and unique needs. No agreement is binding until both spouses sign it.

A spouse may elect to use an attorney as a consultant in conjunction with the mediation at any time. Upon mutual agreement of the spouses, attorneys may also be present during mediation sessions. The services of other professionals, such as accountants, appraisers, psychologists, and actuaries (experts who evaluate pension plans) are employed as needed.

A core value of mediation is respect for the self-determination of the parties.

Why Mediation?

Mediation may be more beneficial than the traditional legal process, because mediation:

• Helps couples retain control of their divorces;
• Encourages a healthy post-divorce relationship between all family members;
• Emphasizes the needs of the children;
• Helps minimize the financial impact of two separate households;
• Assists the couple in planning realistically for the future and in working toward the
financial independence of both parties;
• Reduces the cost, delay, and emotional turmoil so often associated with divorce;
• Reduces the likelihood of post-divorce disputes;
• Avoids court.