EXCERPTS FROM “TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR DIVORCE”

1. Taking control means being conscious of what you are doing and saying—and why.

2. When you use an emotionally based argument, or verbally attack your spouse, you reduce the possibility of achieving your desired outcome.

3. Verbal attacks toward your spouse will not motivate him or her to contribute to your life.

4. Responding is thoughtful. Reacting is thoughtless.

5. "Responsibility" is the key to taking control. It requires practice and patience.

6. When you take responsibility for your feelings, you will have more power to respond rather than react to the other person.

7. "It is not what you are called, it is what you answer to." —Anonymous

8. Remember, it is hard to be angry with someone who is treating you with respect.

9. Stick to the facts as much as possible so you can remain clear, avoid losing focus, and keep from arguing.

10. Agree to disagree and move on.

11. Seldom is there a "right" or "wrong."

12. Good listening implies a "willingness to change" and is a gift.

13. Before your perspective can be respected, it has to be heard; before you can respect your spouse’s perspective, you have to hear it.

14. "My way or the highway" may get you the highway.

15. A vague request creates confusion.

16. If an issue will not matter to you a year from now, it is not worth arguing about today.

17. Your life gets shorter each passing day. When you remember that, perhaps the quarrel will have no value.

18. Negotiate with integrity. You may not be able to live with your spouse, but it is much worse not to be able to live with yourself.